Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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