No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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