p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
