so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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