the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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