I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found puke in my bra..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
