Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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