You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
