We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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