shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
