I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
