Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
