Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
