worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
