i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
