Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
