I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I love you.
Bad choice
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize