Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
