i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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