If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
