what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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