We need to start having sex underwater more often.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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