Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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