Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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