If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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