Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
