I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
