So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
