Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
