He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's blow job season.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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