dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
