In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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