please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
