i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize