Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
