He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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