I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
