I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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