if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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