Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
