I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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