your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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