i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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