my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
