I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
