Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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