I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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