normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
