I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
