About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
