the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize