In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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