Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
