if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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