She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
