I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
