I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
