I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
