worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
third nipple confirmed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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