It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
