The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize