Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
