booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize