Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
