meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
