Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
