my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it hurts more in the daytime
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize