If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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