i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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