I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
