okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
